The Beer-Pong-Table.net Blog

My grandma used to say that “details don’t matter until they do!” (She also used to say that “rubbers are no fun and that she missed the good old days”, but that’s irrelevant…). Yeah I know, my grandma was cool like that! Anyway, how does that have anything to do with beer pong tables? Well, it’s simple: There are tons of details that make this game fun, and a well designed beer pong table takes care of most of them.

A perfect example would be the beer pong table’s dimensions. The table has to be exactly 8 feet long! And by “exactly” I don’t mean “more or less…”, “close to…”, "approximately…” or any other vague crap! I do mean “exactly”! (I didn’t bolderline it three times, to test my word processor for crying out loud!) More than that, and it will be like shooting ping pong balls on a wedding table, less than that, and your beer pong table is too Shaq-friendly! 

If you don’t believe me, then let the following story prove my point to you:

The other night, I was at UCLA with my pal Josh, in one of those we-don’t-need-a-reason-to-get-drunk college parties, and we were playing beer pong with the redemption rule. We were up against two other dudes, whose names I was too hammered to recall. So I am gonna give them nicknames: “AJ” the Average Joe, and Tank the 250 pounder, 6’ 7’’, huge, athletic, bulky guy. (You get the picture…). We were playing on a sketchy 6’ “beer pong table” which – judging by its appearance – must have seen a lot of steaks, pasta and burgers during its gloried kitchen days! And I couldn’t care less about its history, if this “beer pong table” wasn’t so freaking short!

Of course at first – as the granny wisdom would have predicted – none of us gave a damn about the beer pong table’s little flaw, so we kept on playing. In fact, things were looking pretty good for our team, since AJ proved to be more like a BAJ (= Below Average Joe), and Tank was just too stiff for this game. So, we were ahead the whole time. At the time, I really couldn’t see, how we could possibly lose this game.

That was until we made the last cup! (Since we were playing with the redemption rule, our opponents had a chance to “redeem” themselves and go overtime, if they could make all of their remaining cups without missing a shot. They had 4 cups left!) That was when Mr. Sports snapped! The sleeping beast inside him woke up and went berserk screaming: “Me need food!”, “Feed me Victory!“, “No want Lose!” . So, he grabbed the ping pong ball, bent over the table, extended his humongous arm a few inches above a cup, and dropped the ball inside it!

Can you believe this guy? He didn’t throw the ball! He just placed it above the cup and let gravity do the rest! Why? Because he could! Did we say or do anything about it? Of course not! You go mess with that guy! Besides, technically speaking, he didn’t break any rules! It was the beer pong table that was too short!

Next thing we know, there was only one cup left on the board. (It was the most distant one but still…). So, he stretched a little bit, bent over, extent his arm, then extent it some more to reach the cup, and…

(suspenseful music…)

(more suspenseful  music…)

(more of more suspenseful  music…)

… he lost his balance and collapsed on the freaking beer pong table! Stupid Godzilla smashed the ex-buffet just to feed the ‘beast’! Unbelievable…

Btw, did you hear that? That was the sound of a loose-end backfiring! (That was also the spooky sound of my grandma whispering to my ear “I told you so” )

The moral:  From now on I will only play on right-sized beer pong tables! (I will also add the “no-bending rule” just in case…)

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Tags: beer pong, beer pong table, beer pong tables, grandma, redemption rule

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 19th, 2010 at 5:20 pm and is filed under Beer Pong Table Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.